Do you love being surprised with love letters or red roses, but does your partner keep getting you domestic gifts, because they’re so “handy”? Or do you get jealous when they want to go to the pub with their friends again, instead of spending time with you at home?
Just because your partner has different priorities, doesn’t mean the end of the relationship is near. It does mean the two of you have a different love style.
According to American sociologist Terry Hatkoff, there are 6 different love styles. Each style represents a different outlook on love. You can find out your style here.
Love, to the romantic type, is based on passion and sexual attraction.
If this is your love style, you look for deep affection. The feelings you have for your partner, are comparable to the feelings you have for your best friends.
No matter how deeply in love you are, if your love style is the logical one, practical considerations are important for you. You prefer to share your life with someone who has the same values, beliefs, or financial goals.
Is your love style playful? Then you love to flirt and to be challenged by your partner.
A relationship in which the two of you lead your own lives? You’d rather not if you have a possessive love style. You get jealous easily and your feelings for your loved one can even be a bit obsessive.
A selfless love style means you want to take care of your partner. You tend to put your own feelings and desires aside.
Usually, one’s personal love style is a combination of two or three styles. Your dominant love style may be romantic, yet you find it important that your partner has the same plans and vision of the future. Or you’re looking for an unconditional buddy (best friend) with whom you can have adventures and whom you can take care of (selfless). That way, your partner may love to flirt, yet be extremely jealous if you do the same thing.
Knowing what your love styles are, can be helpful to prevent arguments and learn to understand each other better. If you know your partner has a logical love style, you also know they don’t just do all these chores around the house: They’re a gesture of love. Once your partner knows you’re a romantic, they may not see the next candlelit diner as “too much”, but appreciate it because it’s your way to show how important your relationship is to you.
Text: Sanne Eva Dijkstra – Photo: Everton Vila
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