How to be you in a relationship (and keep it sparkling)

When everything is fresh and new, all you want is to be together and share everything with one another. It’s wise to create some distance now and then, though. That’s how you two remain two individuals, like the two terminals on a battery.

Keep scheduling time for yourself…

Make sure to detach yourself from a close embrace every once in a while: me-time. That’s how you keep the air flowing in your relationship and how you prevent your relationship from becoming too symbiotic. It makes it even more fun to see each other after. Allow your partner this space and time, too, even when you regret it because you felt so much like watching a tv series together.

… and don’t cheat

It’s oh so tempting to keep texting each other all day long, but if you do that, you’re never really apart. Besides it’s so much more fun not to share everything in real time – save some good stories for when you’re together!

Don’t put them on a pedestal

When you’re in love head over heels, you might tend to idealise your significant other. Especially when you’re a bit insecure about yourself. Try to be aware of this: don’t put them on a pedestal, and don’t think of everything that’s different about them (his personality, his family, his work, his taste…) as ‘better’. It’s important to be equals.

Cherish your friendships

You wouldn’t be the first person to forget about your friends for a while, simply because you’re caught up in your new love. When that first phase is over, of course you want to meet them: your lover needs to know why your friends are important to you, and the other way around. But keep meeting your friends separately, too. Cherish the things you share with them, the jokes you make together, the shared past.

Keep your dreams in mind

Sometimes it’s so clear when you look at other people: their new love is so intense, it seems they don’t care about anything in their ‘old’ life anymore. All that matters is their life together. It can be lovely to be soaked up by new love, but try to keep in mind what other things make your life worth while. Who do you want to be, what do you want to achieve, what’s important to you? Go for these things. If they love you, they will motivate you to do so.

Keep doing new things

It’s not just important to remember your ‘old’ life (and everything that mattered to you before they appeared), but also to remain focused on the future. Apply for a creative workshop, join a gym class or playing an instrument: keep growing.

Photo: Montse Monmo