We know it doesn’t sound very uplifting. But for some reason, intelligent women –especially when they’re in their thirties- are single more often, and they remain single for a longer time. This is why.
You’re not looking for any guy (or girl)
If you’ve had several relationships, no doubt, you’ve learned a lot. There’s a list of demands in your head that a new Mr (or Mrs) Right has to meet. Perhaps there are very specific things on the list, such as kids, distance (not too far from where you live) or the color of their hair, but probably, it’s also about things that are more abstract. For instance, you have noticed that you like your partner to be enterprising, intelligent, a good conversation partner. That rules out a few people.
In your early twenties, meeting someone is easy peasy. Or, as the Flemish sociologist Dimitri Mortelmans says, in the ‘first partner market’ the supply is very high, but at the ‘second partner market’ –after your first relationship(s)- there are less options. Chances are many of the people you meet at work, through friends or in the pub are taken. If you’re looking for someone who’s highly educated, there’s a lot of ‘competition’, plus, according to Mortelmans, men often look for a woman who’s less highly educated. Unfair, we know!
Work, friends, family, sports, hobbies and the occasional night on the couch watching TV: your life is very rich already. A relationship might make it even more fun, but there’s no void you have to fill. You’ve learned to enjoy life to the fullest on your own. And, unlike a few decades ago, strong women like you are able to support themselves financially.
Moreover, by working hard, you’ve created a life for yourself, and perhaps you find it quite scary to share this life again. Of course, being with someone doesn’t mean you have to give up being self supporting, but it does mean letting go of some of your independence. A relationship means being vulnerable all the time, which can be scary when you like to feel strong.
Your aims are ambitious, you’re looking for a partner you really feel connected to, who really brings something extra. What are the odds of meeting them through online dating? Texting for weeks, just to find out he’s not that funny (or, even worse: keeps talking without leaving any room for you to say anything), or having awkward dates without knowing much about them. Online dating requires perseverance, something not all of us feel like. Luckily, even in these digital times, online dating is something you can do without if you want. You can also meet Prince or Princess Charming at the library, or in your supermarket’s vegetable department.
Photo by Larm Rmah
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