The quest for love is an exciting journey. How do you make a good first impression when you’re on a date? Roos Vonk is a professor of social psychology. She wrote several bestsellers in which she observes the things we do in our search for love.
“In everyday life, we can’t lie about our beauty and our sizes, but it can be tempting to do so in our online appearance. It’s a twilight zone – of course, you pick a flattering picture of yourself, but not a ten year old picture.
In your description of yourself, you don’t list your flaws, but you put your best foot forward and you’re honest. Keep in mind that you’re talking to someone you’re hoping to get into a relationship with – you don’t want to start it off with a lie, not even a white one.”
“When meeting someone for the first time (on line or in real life), people always pretend to be tougher than they are. ‘I’m not really looking, and very happy on my own’. But how do you expect to find your soulmate when you’re not showing your true soul? Of course, it all depends on the time and place, but if you reveal yourself a bit more, you are more likely to hit close to home.
For instance, write something funny that shows you love to laugh. Or tell the other person about something that happened to you. It appeals to one’s imagination far more than a stale list of features.”
“Don’t keep on e-mailing or texting, but give the person a call. When you hear their voice and their laughter, you’ll know whether it’s comfortable talking to them – and if it feels good, you can immediately meet up.
For a first date, coffee or a walk is perfect. Don’t have dinner together (you’ll have a long night ahead if there’s no vibe between the two of you), don’t go to a pub (it’s wise to remain sober) and don’t invite the other person at your place (on neutral ground you’ll feel more equal).
Try to get to know the other person. Don’t focus on whether he or she likes you, but also: do you like them? You’ll make a better impression if you’re not too self-involved.”
Text: Sarah Domogala – Photo: Elizabeth Tsung
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